I tend to post alot about the different places I have been to visit but tonight I just really need to get some stuff off my chest, I figure there is no better place then my very own blog.

It is that time of year that everyone is looking forward to Christmas and making plans. Just the thought of Christmas this year and I break down in tears.
Christmas Day for me is the one time of year that my entire family comes together. Once upon a time all of my 25 cousins would come for Christmas Lunch but it is down to about 8-10 of us along with Auntys, Uncles and Grandparents now. We all sit around eating, gossiping and tormenting each other and I love it. I am a very loyal person and I love my family more then words can describe, so I look forward to seeing everyone on December 25.

Of course this year I won't be there. This is my first Christmas in 21 years that I won't see my family. And it hurts. Last weekend I lost it and just cried ALL day. I just want to give my Dad a hug and sit and talk with my brother, cousins, auntys and uncles who when I am at home I see at least once a month. Everytime I think of waking up Christmas morning and being in this house with people I have only known for 2 months, my chest tightens and I get online and start looking up flights home! I admire people who have chased their dreams and moved away from home but I am SO jealous that they are close enough to go home to their families for Christmas. I wish it wasn't SO expensive to visit home.

I keep trying to tell myself its just another day but I am just feeling way too overwhelmed. I have been here for 8 months now and although I am having the time of my life, it is a really long time to be away from the ones you love. A really really long time. It's been such a hard year with the move, my first job not working out and with a very good friend passing away just 6 weeks ago... all times I just wanted a hug and someone to talk to. It's just been 8 months of bottling everything up and I feel like I am on the edge of breaking down. Even writing out Christmas card lists this year seems wrong without Kim's name on there. I just can't believe she is gone :(

Hopefully my Dad rings soon, I really need to hear his voice. I'm sure this home sick feeling will only get worse once my little cousin is born. He/she is now 2 days overdue so anyday now...